The eroded badlands of Death Valley
This was a picture taken at the view point, Death Valley, California.
Venice, Las Vegas
Bellagio, Las Vegas
Grand Canyon, in winter
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Random
This year I have gotten to travel both east and west coast. Trip to the west, especially California, Nevada and Arizona was particularly memorable. Some glimpses.
The eroded badlands of Death Valley
This was a picture taken at the view point, Death Valley, California.
Venice, Las Vegas
Bellagio, Las Vegas
Grand Canyon, in winter
The eroded badlands of Death Valley
This was a picture taken at the view point, Death Valley, California.
Venice, Las Vegas
Bellagio, Las Vegas
Grand Canyon, in winter
The Why of Love
I decided to delete this page...it sounds too crappy.
Far as the why of love goes, I think I now have a better insight to things, and may be I will take some time and rewrite what I actually feel. I gotta come out of my teenager image which still is stuck to some nonsense romantic idea of love. I have to work it out.
Far as the why of love goes, I think I now have a better insight to things, and may be I will take some time and rewrite what I actually feel. I gotta come out of my teenager image which still is stuck to some nonsense romantic idea of love. I have to work it out.
Monday, February 22, 2010
The everyday sorrow
The answer was obvious. He didn’t want to marry me.
Funny. There was one who could not, but wanted. And the other who could, but didn’t want. I wish they could exchange their places. The former was a better choice.
It’s painful when you think about the things you have given up for the one you love who neither appreciate nor reciprocate. Jesse always told me, words are cheap. Love is through action, how much you are willing to give up for the one you love. Look around you. And see, how much the people do for the other they love.
Jesse stays up night teaching me electronics, correcting my schematics and codes, rewriting my letters..and for what? There’s so little I can give him, so little indeed. So little he ever asks for. I feel selfish nowadays. I have been so obsessed with myself, my problems, I even forget to ask him, how he is, how things are going with him. I feel bad, I know I should have asked. There is no measure to this love, and sometimes I wonder, why life is so treacherous.
I hate to be unhappy.
I promised something today. Never to broach the subject of marriage again with Akash. Why voluntarily suffer at the thought of being dumped? May be so many times I say, I don’t care, but at the end I know, I do. I feel scared at the jeering I will face frommy family, friends and everyone who knows I have a so called stable bf. My parents in particular. But then, I think this is an excuse. I have faced so much embarassment…this doesn’t affect me anymore. And it’s only eight years more of this life.
Right now I feel like a stranger in his house, after everything he said.That feeling of belonging is gone suddenly. I don’t feel like making his bed. Or cleaning his house. I don’t feel like anything right now. May be I would be over this trance. May be not. It has been difficult to get over him. He is a great womanizer and most women he have been with, have suffered. I feel for them, for myself.
But not impossible. What if I stayed over in USA…in december I did feel that I in fact could :P .
Steps to get over your ex
Rule 1: You just need someone who can fill up that void in your life, do the things you always wished your ex would do but never did. Lol, and someone with nicer parents than his. And treat this as a stop gap to get over the last trauma…DON’T TRY TO TAKE THIS TO ANYWHERE!!!
Rule 2: Get over that feeling “ I belong to him”. Have sex with someone else. Not random …may be with that sweet guy who cares for you.
Rule 3: Don’t stay home in weekends. Party, do activities. Run, bike. Have a cute German guy cook for you. Play cards with your friends. Drink Taquilla. And if in nights you feel lonely, go out with friends and sleep by the lake!
Rule 4: Tear the stupid pictures from your wall. With your friends party and burn them. Bonfire!
Rule 5: If you are as much fool like me, who can’t seem to get over your ex……… Kill Bill
(PS: Take a note all the while how many guys would wanna be with you Boost your confidence)
I know I am fun. Even when I am breaking into pieces, I try to smile.Fred says, life is too short to be sad. That was his status msg through February and March, after he broke up with that model gf of his and came to US. And then met that Mexican girl Carla (whom I was jealous of :P …..couldn’t the fact Fred would rather want to be with her, than me and Ann. And he also prepared that big chocolate cake for her, and kept two pieces for me…huh. Okay, the rest of the summer all food for us)
Funny. There was one who could not, but wanted. And the other who could, but didn’t want. I wish they could exchange their places. The former was a better choice.
It’s painful when you think about the things you have given up for the one you love who neither appreciate nor reciprocate. Jesse always told me, words are cheap. Love is through action, how much you are willing to give up for the one you love. Look around you. And see, how much the people do for the other they love.
Jesse stays up night teaching me electronics, correcting my schematics and codes, rewriting my letters..and for what? There’s so little I can give him, so little indeed. So little he ever asks for. I feel selfish nowadays. I have been so obsessed with myself, my problems, I even forget to ask him, how he is, how things are going with him. I feel bad, I know I should have asked. There is no measure to this love, and sometimes I wonder, why life is so treacherous.
I hate to be unhappy.
I promised something today. Never to broach the subject of marriage again with Akash. Why voluntarily suffer at the thought of being dumped? May be so many times I say, I don’t care, but at the end I know, I do. I feel scared at the jeering I will face frommy family, friends and everyone who knows I have a so called stable bf. My parents in particular. But then, I think this is an excuse. I have faced so much embarassment…this doesn’t affect me anymore. And it’s only eight years more of this life.
Right now I feel like a stranger in his house, after everything he said.That feeling of belonging is gone suddenly. I don’t feel like making his bed. Or cleaning his house. I don’t feel like anything right now. May be I would be over this trance. May be not. It has been difficult to get over him. He is a great womanizer and most women he have been with, have suffered. I feel for them, for myself.
But not impossible. What if I stayed over in USA…in december I did feel that I in fact could :P .
Steps to get over your ex
Rule 1: You just need someone who can fill up that void in your life, do the things you always wished your ex would do but never did. Lol, and someone with nicer parents than his. And treat this as a stop gap to get over the last trauma…DON’T TRY TO TAKE THIS TO ANYWHERE!!!
Rule 2: Get over that feeling “ I belong to him”. Have sex with someone else. Not random …may be with that sweet guy who cares for you.
Rule 3: Don’t stay home in weekends. Party, do activities. Run, bike. Have a cute German guy cook for you. Play cards with your friends. Drink Taquilla. And if in nights you feel lonely, go out with friends and sleep by the lake!
Rule 4: Tear the stupid pictures from your wall. With your friends party and burn them. Bonfire!
Rule 5: If you are as much fool like me, who can’t seem to get over your ex……… Kill Bill
(PS: Take a note all the while how many guys would wanna be with you Boost your confidence)
I know I am fun. Even when I am breaking into pieces, I try to smile.Fred says, life is too short to be sad. That was his status msg through February and March, after he broke up with that model gf of his and came to US. And then met that Mexican girl Carla (whom I was jealous of :P …..couldn’t the fact Fred would rather want to be with her, than me and Ann. And he also prepared that big chocolate cake for her, and kept two pieces for me…huh. Okay, the rest of the summer all food for us)
Monday, February 15, 2010
Valentine's Day
Valentine day was special. After the "great drama" the night before, due to the 10 vodkha shots I had before sleep, it was kind of a sweet celebration :)For a change Akash and I didn't go to any five star restura to celebrate the over hyped V day, he instead thought of cooking for me. That was amazing, cause...I have no culinary skills whatsoever at all. So it was highly impressive ;)
So even with his painful knee (and he can barely stand for more than 5 mins) my guy cooked chicken for me. And strawberry chatni (my idea, he cooked and worked out greattt!), salad and well...we got the rice and rotis ordered.It was kind of cute.
We had been cuddling, kissing and fooling around all day. And he can't forget the drunk episode...I am sure he would never ever let me drink again!Lol..it wasn't as bad as in Chicago last summer. I still feel nauseatic towards that UV vodka.
I love making love to Akash. It makes me feel so much his, gosh and my females hormones get over activated. Babies, Families...thoughts follow. I have been with technically more "manly" men...but it never felt this way. Ever.
I love Akash. I absolutely love him.
PS: It's a bachelors place. So don't expect fancy dishes, lol.
PS2: I realize how the some simple things and actions can make you really happy in life... :)
PS3: This is the first V-day in three years we spent together , lol
PS4: And I am still not bored of him.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
New York Subways to Mumbai Locals
~ Grand Central, New York
I remember my initial reaction to this city. I wanted to go back.
Now after almost a month here, I realize every place has something unique to offer. It's unfair to compare, and the real traveler always tries to absorb the beauty of the place in it's own way. Technically I work here, in a lab...but in my heart, I always feel like the vagabond, moving from place to place in search of something new, some different road. I meet different people on my journey, I make friends who light up the way...and eventually I bid them goodbye too. Nothing is forever, life is a fast moving train...and the sights just pass you by.
Train. That brings me to the subject I was about to talk today. Back in Fermilab, I would take the train to Chicago..what was called the Metra. In New York, they had the subway...the stations not much better than those in Kolkata Metro Trains, but the best part was it connected us to everywhere. A $8 daily pass could take you around the city, and you could have as many rides as you want. Chicago and suburbs...private vehicles highly dominated. Where as in New York subway was indispensable. Here in Mumbai, it works similarly. I have not traveled much in local trains in India...I never had reasons. In Kolkata it was for people who came from outskirts. I lived in the main city and the taxis and autos and buses worked fine for me. I was initially really scared to take the train here. The crowd is unimaginable...and it is in a word, crazy. But I understand the best way to feel a culture, a place or a habit...is by enjoying the way common people do. To see the world through their eyes and analyze through your own intelligence. So I havestarted boarding the train, from work to the apartment sometimes (and didn't take the institute bus). Also, last time I went to Akash's place in Vashi..I took the train. And somehow I enjoy it. Standing by the door, feeling the breeze through my air...and looking at the city, at the real India. The mix of the high sky scrappers and the dinghy slums, the sea, the small shops ....the new generation shopping malls~ the sights are unique. The busy crowd...a group of old men playing cards (I guess they meet everyday in the train), some young lewd men watching lustfully at the crowd of women on the other end of the compartment, a bunch of college student, some lonely traveler, some foreigner backpacking in India, some vegetable seller...and some confused soul like me. The versatility is truly unique and fascinating at the same time...that is, how on such a small platform we all are united.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Rejections
Harvard has rejected me. Or so I believe.
I talked to one of the professors who made me feel before, that my resume was competent for Harvard. I still myself believe it is. But may be it is not.
It feels strange when a dream you believe in just comes crashing.A dream for which, you have given so much; a dream on which you took all your decisions for the last so many months. I keep telling Jesse that my life is kind of weird...I do great till the pre-finals. Somehow the finals are always screwed. It's just my luck. Something I cannot fight, or find answers for.
I stayed all night at the lab. And so did Shamit. It's kind of funny when somebody just walks into your life, and wants to be a part of your tears and joy, your pain and happiness. In a few days, somebody cares so much for you to stay up the night with you, trying to wipe your tears and making you smile. And there is so little that he asks for exchange...than some friendship, that too not forever. Cause eventually we would walk different paths.
And the one I think I love? Sigh...he is never there when I cry.I am suffering a series of rejections...some in the matter of my life, some in matters of love.
I talked to one of the professors who made me feel before, that my resume was competent for Harvard. I still myself believe it is. But may be it is not.
It feels strange when a dream you believe in just comes crashing.A dream for which, you have given so much; a dream on which you took all your decisions for the last so many months. I keep telling Jesse that my life is kind of weird...I do great till the pre-finals. Somehow the finals are always screwed. It's just my luck. Something I cannot fight, or find answers for.
I stayed all night at the lab. And so did Shamit. It's kind of funny when somebody just walks into your life, and wants to be a part of your tears and joy, your pain and happiness. In a few days, somebody cares so much for you to stay up the night with you, trying to wipe your tears and making you smile. And there is so little that he asks for exchange...than some friendship, that too not forever. Cause eventually we would walk different paths.
And the one I think I love? Sigh...he is never there when I cry.I am suffering a series of rejections...some in the matter of my life, some in matters of love.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Living the Ordinary
My inbox has 0 new emails.
This is the fifth time I checked my email in the last seven hours. I wake up at strange hours of morning wishing something good would turn up. Nothing much, except one from a professor in Berkeley to whom I wrote about his cyborg beetle. Which is but implanting neural sensors and microchips in a living insect to make it do controlled movement. It seemed fun, and working on something like that for a PhD seemed amazing. Taking into consideration, I am already trying to make a butterfly micro-robot. But well, the group isn't taking new grads as such.
St. Charles weather says its -12 Celsius today. Somewhere in Park Ridge your car is almost covered with snow, while you lying in your bed looking at your blue colored walls. You know, I won't ring your doorbell anymore, nor I would call you. I am seven thousand miles away, in a strange city, a city where I came for a reason which I am so unsure now. But then, there is little in life that I regret.
This is the fifth time I checked my email in the last seven hours. I wake up at strange hours of morning wishing something good would turn up. Nothing much, except one from a professor in Berkeley to whom I wrote about his cyborg beetle. Which is but implanting neural sensors and microchips in a living insect to make it do controlled movement. It seemed fun, and working on something like that for a PhD seemed amazing. Taking into consideration, I am already trying to make a butterfly micro-robot. But well, the group isn't taking new grads as such.
St. Charles weather says its -12 Celsius today. Somewhere in Park Ridge your car is almost covered with snow, while you lying in your bed looking at your blue colored walls. You know, I won't ring your doorbell anymore, nor I would call you. I am seven thousand miles away, in a strange city, a city where I came for a reason which I am so unsure now. But then, there is little in life that I regret.
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