Finding God

The sky has been perpetually cloudy. And it's raining all the time. I peek through my glass window, and look at the muddy alleys behind my house.It's still drizzling. And the pandora radio is playing as usual,magically understanding my mood and coming up with song's I would like.

And all of a sudden, the room is filled with a voice that shakes me; No guitars, nothing, a magically beautiful voice, so intense and painful that it jolts me from the usual trance that I am in. I listen to the song, and relistened. And relistened.

The song is called Storm by Lifehouse

I often tried in vain to find God.My religious perspective has been kind of mixed. In my early childhood, I believed deeply in God. I heard God talk to me, tell me things no one else would. I knew I was special, because I KNEW him. And somehow, from sixteen, I lost faith. I often try to think what it was, that made me so disconnected from all the faith I had. I often think it was when the dreams started to fall apart. There was a time, when everything seemed possible. When you are very young. But then, when things don't work out...you need someone to blame.For me, I suppose it was God.

I have been an atheist for most of the time. Save for the fake showy prayers not to offend my friends and people around. I don't need to tell around my about my beliefs I suppose. And yet there are times, I wonder. About faith. About God. I have tried many times to love him. When I found Akash, I thought the best thing has happened, he was religious..and I wanted to be the same. But things fell apart over and over again. Before I could pray, I would find myself in a disaster, and in too much of pain to think God can be of any good.

But this song makes me think. Think of God. There are times, I wish, I believed in something, that's ultimate. But, then I also tell..can physics and God go together? I don't know. I have tried, but I feel I don't even know how to pray. What should I say?And...more so, how will I make myself believe that he is there, listening?

But then, we are born not to go in vain. Life has probably a purpose, and that cannot be just to loose. There must be something bright, somewhere. There's a line in the song that says "If I could see you everything would be alright, If I could just see, this darkness will fade into light"I wonder, if someday I find God, all the chaos will fall into the calm, and the sun would peak out from this perpetually cloudy sky. But if you think, (and for those who are torn between science an faith)...may be, finding God is nothing but finding yourself. It's probably within. The good, the devine part of us, that is dormant...may be just need to dig in to our souls to find that God? I don't know, but I wish I knew.


Maybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It’s not a cry you can hear at night
It’s not somebody who has seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah