I look at you sleeping peacefully. I feel happy cuddled upto you in the warm tent. It was a long crazy hike, on a pretty difficult trail, and I probably should be tired and wanting to sleep. But there are millions of thoughts passing through my head, as I watch you, feel your arms wrapped around me, and think of you, us...and everything.
I am happy. Just that I lack words. Happy to be away from the monotony of the big cities, be it Chicago, New York or Columbus. Happy to be away from the human civilizaton, in the middle of the woods somewhere in the Appalachians. I have been scared of bears, all through the hike. I've been scared we would get lost and never make it back. Few times I have been terrified of falling off, breaking my bones again. But here I am safe with you.I wonder what took me so long to figure out, that the one I ever wanted was always here with me; and that no one can give that loving.No one makes me feel so safe, so much in peace. You have been there with me through every storm, rain. You have relieved me of my pains, and taken the burden of all my problems. You have stayed when I asked you to leave, because you knew I can't do without you. I know you wouldn't leave me, no matter what.Why do you love me so much, I wonder. But even I don't know. Can there be a love, where you can trust someone better than this? I guess not.
I loved holding your hand and hiking up to see that waterfall. I am so fussy about food, and I am glad you put up with it. My whims, my demands, my childishness. I have nothing to fear from you. I look upto you, and someday I want to be wise like you. I want to talk like you, think like you, be like you. But, you love me the way I am, and I can't be more glad.
Tennesse is so pretty. Shame we have to pack up tomorrow and leave. But I enjoyed everyday that we spent together. I loved how the mountains looked in the morning light, in the sunset. I loved the shades of yellow and green. The pines and the deciduous. So pretty! The drive to North Carolina through the FootHills Parkway was amazing. Remember the place we stopped...the view of that valley? Seemed like straight out from Narnia's or Harry Potter's book. And the Fontana Lake...it was beautiful. How I loved the calmness. The sound of the water, the whistling of the winds through the trees, the sunlight peeking in through the branches.And the grilled chicken after the long day's travel was so good. I know you hated Pigeon Forge, but it was colorful! I think we should have better pancakes some other time...than in iHop. Even Knoxville was pretty!
I don't want tomorrow to come. I don't want to wake up. I don't want to let go of you. This world seems so perfect, so beautiful..with you. I ran hopelessly for love here and there, and all I ever needed was with me forever. Yes, life is strange. But if everything was normal, and ordinary...would I have felt the joy in this escape? Now I am tempted to kiss you again, wake you up..and tell you, how much you mean to me.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Music is dead
I was searching for words,
Trying to write a song
The radio is playing all day long
And it doesn't say
Much on my feelings today
Doesn't touch my soul
Doesn't make me whole.
Wonder when, wonder why
Did the music lose it's life?
Can I put the words back, make it like
It was, but the music now is just a lie
The music is dead.
But I'd like to pretend it's not over yet.
I would write down the words
That'll sweep you off your feet
Make you dance to my song
Once again, all night long
The beats of the 90's
The chords of the 80's
Somewhere lost, somewhere gone
Does it still jolts you
When listening to Don Mclean
Or Nirvana or the Floyd
Or MJ,- all those who had the words
The tune, the beat?
Is pop dead, or is it all just country
Or is it just hip-hop talking your fantasy?
What they play today is just so hollow
Where's the music..it's all just borrowed
The music is dead.
But I'd like to pretend it's not over yet.
I would write down the words
That'll sweep you off your feet
Make you dance to my song
Once again, all night long
Trying to write a song
The radio is playing all day long
And it doesn't say
Much on my feelings today
Doesn't touch my soul
Doesn't make me whole.
Wonder when, wonder why
Did the music lose it's life?
Can I put the words back, make it like
It was, but the music now is just a lie
The music is dead.
But I'd like to pretend it's not over yet.
I would write down the words
That'll sweep you off your feet
Make you dance to my song
Once again, all night long
The beats of the 90's
The chords of the 80's
Somewhere lost, somewhere gone
Does it still jolts you
When listening to Don Mclean
Or Nirvana or the Floyd
Or MJ,- all those who had the words
The tune, the beat?
Is pop dead, or is it all just country
Or is it just hip-hop talking your fantasy?
What they play today is just so hollow
Where's the music..it's all just borrowed
The music is dead.
But I'd like to pretend it's not over yet.
I would write down the words
That'll sweep you off your feet
Make you dance to my song
Once again, all night long
Friday, April 8, 2011
Spring time
It's 3 am of the morning. And I am cooking Bengali chicken curry. I have never done this before.I think, I am following the recipe, but...it doesn't look like what it. should. Or may be it will be, when it's done. Idk.
I finished a two hours conversation with Jane. And realized, that why you have girlfriends. Whom you can call at 1 am in the morning and complain and tell about your misery. And all you know after an hour, you have forgotten what you were complaining about, and by now you are probably joking about some hot guy, or talking about shopping or things about sex ;)
Spring is here, and the white blossoms. Green field. Winter is almost gone, save from my life, which is eternally looking forward to spring. I know what I want, so so bad, and like always..I am stuck with nothing working out.
I am trying to deal with my depression. It's an illness, and I can't seem to snap out of it. I have become a social outcast, because I refuse to talk to people or go out with them or pick up calls. My whole world has become about myself, my sucess and my life. Indian won the world cup. Great, but I didn't.
Jane is right. Even if I get what I want, I wont be happy, I would want to chase something else and be miserable because i don't have it. Anyway, good news is i started to work out.
The chicken is done. Reminds me of Akash...when he would cook for me. Shame I can't cook a fraction as good. Do I miss him? No, I am over it.Just that when I drunk and on hangover..I without any thinking ALWAYS call him. As if in the back of the mind, he is my rescuer. Later I resent dialing that number and wondering why I even remember it. I don't yearn for him, I just miss what I thought him to be.
I finished a two hours conversation with Jane. And realized, that why you have girlfriends. Whom you can call at 1 am in the morning and complain and tell about your misery. And all you know after an hour, you have forgotten what you were complaining about, and by now you are probably joking about some hot guy, or talking about shopping or things about sex ;)
Spring is here, and the white blossoms. Green field. Winter is almost gone, save from my life, which is eternally looking forward to spring. I know what I want, so so bad, and like always..I am stuck with nothing working out.
I am trying to deal with my depression. It's an illness, and I can't seem to snap out of it. I have become a social outcast, because I refuse to talk to people or go out with them or pick up calls. My whole world has become about myself, my sucess and my life. Indian won the world cup. Great, but I didn't.
Jane is right. Even if I get what I want, I wont be happy, I would want to chase something else and be miserable because i don't have it. Anyway, good news is i started to work out.
The chicken is done. Reminds me of Akash...when he would cook for me. Shame I can't cook a fraction as good. Do I miss him? No, I am over it.Just that when I drunk and on hangover..I without any thinking ALWAYS call him. As if in the back of the mind, he is my rescuer. Later I resent dialing that number and wondering why I even remember it. I don't yearn for him, I just miss what I thought him to be.
It if weren't for you
May be this is my last try
Don’t know, if I can vent my cry
Don’t know if I can pen down my thoughts,
About me, you. Anymore.
Lost in the world – wild and so dark
Wonder why you brought me so far?
Can I turn back, and make it like
Its for everyone. Everyone?
And if I could, would I change what I have now
Would I wish you were gone now
Would I be what am, were you not there?
I guess not. I guess not.
And would life be so strange if it weren’t for you
Would I have been loved by someone new
Would I be so weird were you not there?
I guess not. I guess not.
You are my little secret
I cling on to, and hold in my heart
I can’t tell the world I have you
Do I really? Wish I knew
I love you, you have me
But then, my life is too short
It’s not much that I can give.
And if I could, would I change what I have now
Would I wish you were gone now
Would I be what am, were you not there?
I guess not. I guess not.
And would life be so strange if it weren’t for you
Would I have been loved by someone new
Would I be so weird were you not there?
I guess not. I guess not
Don’t know, if I can vent my cry
Don’t know if I can pen down my thoughts,
About me, you. Anymore.
Lost in the world – wild and so dark
Wonder why you brought me so far?
Can I turn back, and make it like
Its for everyone. Everyone?
And if I could, would I change what I have now
Would I wish you were gone now
Would I be what am, were you not there?
I guess not. I guess not.
And would life be so strange if it weren’t for you
Would I have been loved by someone new
Would I be so weird were you not there?
I guess not. I guess not.
You are my little secret
I cling on to, and hold in my heart
I can’t tell the world I have you
Do I really? Wish I knew
I love you, you have me
But then, my life is too short
It’s not much that I can give.
And if I could, would I change what I have now
Would I wish you were gone now
Would I be what am, were you not there?
I guess not. I guess not.
And would life be so strange if it weren’t for you
Would I have been loved by someone new
Would I be so weird were you not there?
I guess not. I guess not
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