A song close to heart (by Tagore)

Sakhi, bhabona kahare bole?
Sakhi, jatona kahare bole?
Tomra je bolo diboso-rajoni,
Bhalobasha, bhalobasha.
sakhi, bhalobasha kare koye?
Seki keboli jatona-moye?
Seki keboli chokher jal?
Seki keboli dukher saas?
Loke tobe kore ki sukheri tore,
Aemon dukhero aas?

Aamar chokhe to shokoli sobhon,
Shokoli nobeen, shokoli bimol.
Suneel akash, shyamolo kanon
Bishodo jochona, kusumo komol.
Shokol amari moton.
Tara keboli hanshe, keboli gaye,
Hanshiya, kheliya morite chaye.
Najane bedon, najane radon.
Najane shader jatona joton.

Phool se hanshite hanshite jhore,
Jochona hanshiya milaye jaye,
Hanshite hanshite alok sagore,
Akashero taara ke aage paye.
Aamar moton sukhi ke aache?
Aaye sakhi aaye, aamar kaache
Sukhi hridoyer sukher gaan
Suniya toder judaabe pran

Protidin jodi kandibi keno,
Ek din noye hanshibi tora,
Ek din noye bishado bhuliya,
Shokole miliya gahibo gaan.

This is one of Tagore's song that I learnt from my father. Recently it was featured in a movie, sung amazingly. Many of Tagore’s songs are very close to me. They intrigue me in a way; they make me dive into the fundamentals of emotions and feelings. This is one of the song, I relate a lot to. My father had once explained the meaning, the background of it. It's about a young girl who sees the world with it's complex emotions and asks some simple questions about love, pain and tears. Because she yet doesn't understand those complex bonding and ties. The song goes like her asking to some friend, " What are feelings, and what is pain? People talk about love day and night, but tell me what is LOVE? Is it only pain? Is it only tear drops and sighs of sorrow? Then for what sort of joy do people want to embrace such sort of love?

In my eyes, everything is so pretty, young and pure. Everything is full of life. Whether it's the blue skies, or the green forests, poisonous fireflies or the blooming flowers. They are all like me.They only laugh, they sing, and they live their life so merrily. They don't know pain, and sorrow and they don't know all all those complex bonding that cause those pain..

The flower withers away smiling, the fireflies disappears with a laugh, and in the cosmos, the the stars comes out smiling. Who is so happy like me? Free of pain and sorrow? Come to my house, friend. We will sing the song of happiness and take your heart.

If you cry everyday on the trivial matters of life, one day you will learn to laugh. One day you will realize life is too precious to waste in tears and pain, and, you will see life in a more positive way, and sing the song of joy."

Well..I have done a like line to line interpretation. But the real philosophical meaning is far far and my literary skills have died down long back to explain that. It's amazing.


Here's the link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPs1fONKaeM

Time passes by

There are times you wake up to a dream, wondering if it was real. I had a dream today morning; I saw myself and Akash happy together, and in love, like I believed we were. Everything was perfect in the dream,just like it was apparently. I had such dreams when we broke up for the first time and I was in Chicago. I used wake up and cry. I would try to call him; I would bike away to some far off place and think of dying.I would want to do everything to make it right. Even now it feels heavy in my heart, when I remember our time together early this year.About the fact, how much I loved and trusted him. How much he meant to me. And yet this time, I would change nothing. May be it's a part of growing up, when you accept the truth and realize that sometimes we do live the wrong dream.

I have been traveling on and off from Mumbai. The last time I flew from Delhi to Mumbai, I remembered how excited I was when I was flying there after coming back from US. I couldn't wait to meet Akash. I couldn't wait to kiss him again, be in his arms. It's funny how we sometimes we go to a place with some purpose and life gives us some different reasons.

It's been over ten days I am in Kolkata at my home. I realize I have done nothing except some occasional visit in my college to do some fixing on my project work.Staying with people makes me lazy, captivated. The city still gives me the freedom, but the fact that I have to explain my when and where I want to go and so on suffocates me.Somehow days are passing like in a wink of an eye, without doing anything at all. I have lost count of these idle days. I need to return to Mumbai desperately.

The fact is, here my decision to go somewhere would be met with so much dissatisfaction and commotion, that staying home becomes my only solution. But I usually have a tendency to get into a depression.I should so something I leave; before I become convinced my time here has been an entire waste. I came here for the paperworks of my visa, but turned out to be a bad idea...it has been delayed.I have to come back again.

Today is a vehicle strike. A bandh. Some bandh happens atleast once every month and the city gets a holiday. When you can't even step out of your house. The young leaders of "elaka" would make sure to get you out of your own car if you try to defy the bandh called by them.Or burn few buses and cars. The city stays paralyzed. And the party which called the strike happily announces the success of the strike.

There is some truth to this : Once you start living by yourself, it's so difficult to go by someone else's terms.

Some quick updates!

I am in a cyber cafe, somewhere near my home in Calcutta, realizing, life without a laptop and internet is like half survival.

It's monsoon here. The sky is perpetually cloudy with drizzles of rains then and now. Still waiting for a decision to fall from the sky, atleast make arrangements of where I should go now. Half of the year has passed by in a wink of an eye, and the next half..I am quite a bit nervous to face. I want things to fall in place.

So many things going on in my mind, wonder why taking a decision is such a tough thing to do. A part of me wishes and longs to travel to Paris, be just on my own, and do away with all those bonds and needs. I am still wondering if I should study at Ecole rather...I don't know. The thought is tempting..to be in a land where no one would know me, and I can start afresh. And there, there is the United States, the place where I keep going back- Chicago.

Sometimes I am scared that I am going into an endless loop of the same thing. Not finding the right thing I am passionate about. I hope I do, I need to.

My hours are over. Will write more later.

Delhi

Damned! I've been thinking of scribbling for a while now, but didn't happen.

I am in Delhi right now, staying at my sister's place. Meanwhile traveling the city and to Agra as well. It was fun. Came here for an interview by the French embassy, which worked out great and got an offer. However still indecisive about where to go and what to do.

Meeting my family after over a year. Feels strange. The ties were weak before, now they are barely there. I feel like another stranger among a bunch of familiar faces.