Time passes by

There are times you wake up to a dream, wondering if it was real. I had a dream today morning; I saw myself and Akash happy together, and in love, like I believed we were. Everything was perfect in the dream,just like it was apparently. I had such dreams when we broke up for the first time and I was in Chicago. I used wake up and cry. I would try to call him; I would bike away to some far off place and think of dying.I would want to do everything to make it right. Even now it feels heavy in my heart, when I remember our time together early this year.About the fact, how much I loved and trusted him. How much he meant to me. And yet this time, I would change nothing. May be it's a part of growing up, when you accept the truth and realize that sometimes we do live the wrong dream.

I have been traveling on and off from Mumbai. The last time I flew from Delhi to Mumbai, I remembered how excited I was when I was flying there after coming back from US. I couldn't wait to meet Akash. I couldn't wait to kiss him again, be in his arms. It's funny how we sometimes we go to a place with some purpose and life gives us some different reasons.

It's been over ten days I am in Kolkata at my home. I realize I have done nothing except some occasional visit in my college to do some fixing on my project work.Staying with people makes me lazy, captivated. The city still gives me the freedom, but the fact that I have to explain my when and where I want to go and so on suffocates me.Somehow days are passing like in a wink of an eye, without doing anything at all. I have lost count of these idle days. I need to return to Mumbai desperately.

The fact is, here my decision to go somewhere would be met with so much dissatisfaction and commotion, that staying home becomes my only solution. But I usually have a tendency to get into a depression.I should so something I leave; before I become convinced my time here has been an entire waste. I came here for the paperworks of my visa, but turned out to be a bad idea...it has been delayed.I have to come back again.

Today is a vehicle strike. A bandh. Some bandh happens atleast once every month and the city gets a holiday. When you can't even step out of your house. The young leaders of "elaka" would make sure to get you out of your own car if you try to defy the bandh called by them.Or burn few buses and cars. The city stays paralyzed. And the party which called the strike happily announces the success of the strike.

There is some truth to this : Once you start living by yourself, it's so difficult to go by someone else's terms.