Bipolar Disorder

They call it bipolar disorder.

I had been doing good, except for today. It's been a while it happened. The strong mood swings, when I wake up depressed, then call Jesse, yell at him and start crying. Break dishes, and have glass on the kitchen floor. Hurt myself. Cry, cry, till my eyes swell. I hate Jesse, I feel like he would dissapear, and not exist. I hate myself, my life. Everything.

For those, who wonder, or suffer with the same problem of extreme mood swings that has no logic whatsoever, the immediate rememdy is probably to go out of the house. But, you can't make yourself to do so, usually. For me, I refuse to go out, take phone calls, meet anyone. I read up suicide methods, and imagine how to kill myself. Usually I understand it's a problem I try to go to sleep. If I am awake it's very difficult.

Right now I am going out. Forcing myself to. To shop some food. I am going to hiking tomorrow at Hocking hills with my friends. I need to feel better.