Love me, love me not

“June…”
“Yeah?”
“You look so pretty tonight”
I look at him. I need love Max, and you know that. Don’t look at me like that, don’t make me weak. I have a promise to keep. I have a man, I want to go back to. I have waited so long just to be back with him, I can’t withdraw now. I need a conclusion to that story, I don’t want to wonder all my life, what if I had given it another chance. I wish I could stay, I wish I could hold your hand, and really mean it. But I don’t want to fake it. I can’t.
Today is the cold winter night of January. It’s my last few days with you, Max. I want to go out, and walk in the snow. Watch the stars. Talk. About so many more things. You are still a cute kid Max, and it’s funny how you believe me about everything I say. We are in a country where love doesn’t mean too much, where relationships are like those picoseconds supernovas inside the accelerator. Where no one gives time to think through feelings and they dissapear with the fleeting nights and the days. I am a traveler of time; I can’t stay. I wish sometimes so bad that I could, but my life moves faster than my thoughts; and may be when someday I would realize I could have loved you, you won’t be there.
You take your jacket. For last few days I have seemed kind of desperate. May be tired of this celibacy. My hormones work well, my body needs the touch and the feel of love. Not that I am full of morality, just don’t know how would it be if you really make love to me. I don’t want to spend another year in a heartbreak. In an illusion of love. After all, Max…you are but an American.
It’s freezing cold outside. You shrug at the thought of going outdoors, but I convince you anyway. I want to take you to my favourite places tonight. I know they are so pretty in summer and fall. May be you can take your parents over here this summer? We drive the car to the parking area around the highrise. It’s empty …I lead you to the lit up way of the forest that goes to Lederman Center.
“Gross..this is so cold”
“Max!!”
“Whatt…this is killing me June!”
“Look ahead”
He looks in awe.
“Shit man….” He stands still.
I smiled “Do you like this?”
“It’s beautiful…”
It was the small lit up waterfall in the forest. The running water made a contrasting effect with the quietness around, the soft snow white snow bore our footsteps, and the winter forest witnessed brief moment of togetherness of some undefined lovers.
I look at him .“Kiss me…”
We walk through the way, you taking videos with your iphone as we walk and talk and laugh. I show you the Lederman Center, the cultivation pond, the deep dark forest which we used to frequent in summer nights.You put everything in that memory chip of yours. May be that’s what I’ll have of you Max. I will miss you. I will miss you very much, indeed.



PS: The icecream..was amazing ;)