Dear love...

Can I ask you something?
Yes?
How many men did you have sex with? He asked as he held me naked beneath him,and at a moment when I was thinking that his love was everything I ever wanted in life.

I didn’t want to lie. So, the other option was not to answer.

Poor Indian men. They still judge the purity or your feelings based on times you have indifferently given to lust and longing in your past. And yet they fail to see the love for which the girl gives up everything and is standing at your doorstep wanting to belong to you.Do they understand love? Or even the concept of love is limited by the stringent orthodoxy that leads them to live a life of unforgivable hypocrisy?

Love, my dear love, everytime you leave me, I am in a mess. In last three years has there been a day I haven’t thought of you? May be sometimes with hate, sometimes with love and sometimes with anger. But you were in my mind. I have loved a ghost of you, which was to me the way I wanted, and may be even now, I am opening up my soul to someone who didn’t exist in the first place. And so my love, in this world that’s so real I am no longer surprised that you ain’t here with me. Because the real you was never there.

I have never truly belonged to anyone. Yet many tried to possess me. I never belonged to my parents, who remained strangers to me all my life, never to my lovers, and never to myself. Never to my country, my people or my creed. And then I found someone, who could probably possess me and liberate me at the same time. My love, that was the first time I asked a man to own me.

My darling, my sweet love, there is a venom in my blood, and it won’t go away. I ate the forbidden fruit, and called upon my own destruction. I lie in my bed, and try to extract from my scrambled thoughts, those moments of true love and intense pleasure which have got lost in this vast ocean of hatred. And slowly, there is a vision. I see you. Your eyes looking at mine, telling we are destined. Yes, love, we were destined even though if it was only to fall apart.